


And So It Goes

by moonshoesangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonshoesangel/pseuds/moonshoesangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic. And So It Goes- Billy Joel. Beautiful song, check it out.</p><p>Dean is unfaithful. He and Castiel are dealing with it about the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And So It Goes

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this a while back and posted to tumblr.

In every heart there is a room  
A sanctuary safe and strong  
To heal the wounds from lovers past  
Until a new one comes along

Dean leaned back against his door, anger burning in his throat. It tasted like tears, but he wouldn’t let them fall. He wasn’t angry at anyone…just himself. 

How could he? How could he do that to him? To cheat is one thing but to tell him he never wanted what they had? Where did that come from? He slammed his head back against the hardwood and let out an angry growl, fists clenched tight ready to strike something. He couldn’t punch himself in the face so the wall would have to do.

I spoke to you in cautious tones  
You answered me with no pretense  
And still I feel I said too much  
My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose  
It seems I only felt the thorns  
And so it goes, and so it goes  
And so will you soon I suppose

Castiel hated this feeling. It was new and ugly- disgust.

He haphazardly parked his car in front of his hotel room, stormed inside and slammed the door, feeling like he was about to explode. Human emotion was new and he had always said even the bad was beautiful, but this was so bad he thought he was dying. He felt himself choke on his own air as tears began to fall. Dean was his everything and now it seemed everything was what he lost. He slid his hands through his black hair and eyed the glass sitting on the table.

 

But if my silence made you leave  
Then that would be my worst mistake  
So I will share this room with you  
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed  
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen  
And so it goes, and so it goes  
And you’re the only one who knows

Dean eyed his handiwork- a large, blood-stained hole in the wall that had brought him momentary release from the pain on the inside. Worn out, he leaned his head against the forearm he had slung against the wall and finally, he wept. 6 months of the best time of his life was destroyed because he was selfish and cold. He wanted nothing more than to be in Castiel’s arms at that moment, holding him and begging him for forgiveness and telling him he was all he wanted- all he needed. He reached into his pocket with his bloody hand and fished out his keys. He had to fix this.

So I would choose to be with you  
That’s if the choice were mine to make  
But you can make decisions too  
And you can have this heart to break

Castiel’s chest heaved as he let his legs give out beneath him, sliding down the wall and studying the destruction of the room- the shattered photo frames on the walls, the upturned table, the sheets ripped from the bed. None of it mattered or helped him in any way. He still felt like ripping out his own heart and throwing it away. Why, Castiel silently prayed. He was never one to do so and saw no reason to start, but someone had to be listening. Why would he hurt me like this? Why would he tell me he loved me then say it was all a lie?

The familiar sound of the grumbling motor of the Impala filtered through the walls- the headlights shined through the window, casting a disturbing glow over the destroyed room. Castiel tried to steel himself, saying he wouldn’t answer the door, but the broken sound of Dean’s voice calling his name hurt almost as bad as the sound of it coldly saying ‘It meant nothing’.

Moments passed. Castiel listened to the apologies and the emotion and the professions of love. He stood on shaking legs, walked to the door, and opened it. Dean looked worse than he felt. He should, he thought. 

Dean hit his knees and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s thin waist right there in the door, gripping him tightly and sobbing into his hip.

“I’m so sorry.” He choked. 

Castiel took a deep breath and let out a shuddered sigh. “Never again, Dean.”

“Never again,” Dean repeated and looked up into his eyes, both sets bloodshot and tired. “Never again.”

Castiel gripped Dean’s collar and gently tugged, a silent invitation to stay the night.

 

And so it goes, and so it goes  
And you’re the only one who knows


End file.
